Adolescence and dating
Adolescence and dating
Attachment and Loss: have there been significant attachments to a parenting figure, even a "nanny" that have been disrupted before the age of four? Can parents allow for differences in taste, interests? Setting Limits: Parental abilities to nurture must be supplemented by abilities to set limits and enforce them comfortably and consistently. Fearing spoiling, do they become too restrictive or harsh?
(Fathers, uncles, siblings, and others are important relationships to be cultivated.) Allowing child to sleep in his own crib? Ability: What allowances are being made for differences? Premature exposure to competition, "losing" while others "win", humiliation, pressure to perform beyond ability? Beginning to answer questions about death, God, prejudice/ Quality of Models: Opportunities to witness appropriate role behavior by adults, older children and peers. Economic experiences: Comparing with other children, other people on television?
Informal: building, exploring, skill development, diving (Opportunities or encouragement in hobbies, projects) Economic: can the family afford clubs, camps, activities? Humiliation or coercion by insensitive or subtly suggestive comments by parents or others Early sexual experiences– before the youngster can handle them emotionally Premature physical sexual maturity.
(Later, late maturation and feelings of inferiority) Premature pressure for sexual activities.
Religious Achievements: recognition by family, school, church, club, etc.
Cooking, sewing, carpentry, raising animals, Sports, hobbies, recitals, religious studies, Scout merit badges and promotions, etc.
For girls, having to wear lingerie, make-up earlier than they would like Premature dating Early homosexual desires, feeling different, vulnerable.
Peer-group dynamics: Being in an "in-group" or feeling left out.
(Some familiers favor girls; some cultures favor boys; etc.) attitudes of each parent.
being liked as one's assigned gender without feeling exploited or excessively self-conscious Praise and criticism Freedom from excessive praise, comparisons, or being built up unrealistically.
Whether you're a therapist assessing a client or a nonprofessional taking stock of yourself in the service of personal development, it is worthwhile to appreciate the sheer complexity of the human mind and its development. Formation of early positive or negative identities as "weak," "good boy," "baby," "little mother," "Daddy's girl/boy," "mischeivous," "sissy," "dumb," "just like his father," etc. Amounts of preparation, allowing some control, explaining. Illness in the parent: Some of the variables include: Separations because parent is in hospital. (Remember that time in hospital is only a fraction of the overall time the illness is operating, both before and after hospitalization) Concern/anger if parents not "taking care of themselves." All these can be amplified if there was co-morbid psychological factors, self-pity, helplessness, grumpiness, irritability, non-compliance, etc. Parental inconsistency, shifts of mood between calm and mean Verbal or physical violence to spouse, sib, or child? (And could the child whine or manipulate more toys?
sings in the song, "Do, Re, Mi," "When you know the notes to sing, you can sing ‘most anything." So having a sense of the range of possibilities, or perhaps, using a computer metaphor, "the full menu" of options, allows you to better select which variables are most relevant in the situation at hand.) I address many dimensions of mind. Medical events: the impact of illness, Degrees of separation (especially for younger children). Guilt--illness experienced as punishment for misbehavior. Reinforcement for the "sick role," secondary gain Unnecessary restrictions of activity. ) Household Chores: Are there age-inappropriate expectations?
Vocational Interests: Special interests emerging: doctor, pilot, military, etc.