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Abusive behavior can also result from mental health issues or disorders.
The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive.
In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.
I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.
I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want. The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers.
Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world? And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities – and we’d be right – but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down. Theoretically, this is when want to have time before becoming dads.
The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40. I do know when I was in my early 30’s, anyone in their 40’s seemed old to me! It’s been my experience that I seem to get alot of emails from the 50 and over crowd.
Understanding Abuse People have difficulty understanding the motives of people who are involved in abuse.
Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.
As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic they have learned.
Why people choose to abuse other people is a common question.
Why (adult) people who are being abused choose to stay in abusive relationships is another. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.).
It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s. I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man – and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. I’m looking for a LTR but with that said I’ m not willing to settle.